


I Just Like No One (And That's Okay Too)

by nam_seonji



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Boys Kissing, M/M, Parties, Platonic Kissing, The Author Regrets Everything, this actually happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 09:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17464646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nam_seonji/pseuds/nam_seonji
Summary: "You’re supposed to feel something right, when you kiss someone you like? At least, that’s what authors write in their books. There’s this spark of something between the two partners, you feel this electricity running through your veins, making you feel like some kind of superhero, but everything Chan is doing makes him feel forced. He doesn’t feel ‘good’ or like he could continue doing this forever, it just feels weird.Really weird."~ Or: cute boys kissing





	I Just Like No One (And That's Okay Too)

Chan is stood at the back of the hall, some pop music that he doesn’t even know blaring in his ears, an alcoholic drink in one hand and a pretzel-shaped snack in the other. He’s at the birthday party of one of the popular kids at college, who probably only invited him because he is in her maths class, but there’s alcohol and the music isn’t half bad most of the time, so he’s not complaining.

But he does feel out of place.

Most of the party has moved outside by this point, smoking their third or fourth cigarette. He even had one earlier, inhaling the smoke like it could cure his social anxiety enough for him to actually be enjoying the night, until one of the other girls stole it off him. Another song comes on, something by Bebe Rexha, he thinks and the green, blue and purple lights scattering around the hall are making him vaguely claustrophobic as he tries not to squint at the remaining people on the dancefloor. Minho and Hyunjin look like they’re having a good time, taking selfies with anyone who will stand still for long enough that will probably end up on their instagram tomorrow.

Eventually the birthday girl obviously gets tired of Chan standing by himself in the corner with his half empty bottle of Smirnoff Ice and she beckons him over. His maths class of four is stood in front of the counter, five shots lined up with vodka in them, one obviously meant for him. He’s never had quite that much alcohol in his life, but it’s a party with all of the people from college and his friends, it’s not like Chan can say no.

So he downs the “maths shot” when they count down to 1.

After that, he starts feeling considerably more giggly and sociable, alcohol working into his system and making him feel warm. He’s about to good outside to see if the cool air can work the seemingly permanent blush off his face, when he spots one of the guys from his maths and chemistry classes, who had kind of become a good friend over the past year, out of the corner of his eye. His name is Felix and he’s talking to one of the other people in their chemistry, Changbin, and moves in to kiss him. When they part he walks over to Chris and Hyunjin, who’s suddenly appeared by Chan’s shoulder. Changbin is smiling, watching him walk away, but he’s looking down, sweeping his hair back from his face.

Hyunjin takes his arm, “What’s wrong?”

Felix sighs, “I kissed him. But Lucas...” At least Chan is pretty sure he says something like that, he can’t really remember the day after.

Chan sighs as well; Lucas is Felix’s recent boyfriend and very similar to Felix in the ways that he’s cute and into gaming, but, to be honest, Felix is way out of his league. Changbin is still looking their way and Chan smiles at him. Now that would be a good match. Suddenly, Chan’s brain chucks a great idea at him.

“Maybe you should find someone else to kiss then, to even it out, right? You kiss him and then someone else and then it doesn’t count, everything equals out.”

Because somewhere in his alcohol riddled brain, that logic makes sense.

Of course, at that point he means find someone else, so his brain can hardly find it in itself to react before he closes in, lips moulding against Chan’s. He’s vaguely surprised and his eyes widen almost comically for a few seconds. But this _was_ technically what he suggested, so eventually he closes his eyes. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? That’s what he’s seen people in movies and TV shows do. When the two guys kiss, they both close their eyes. He’s also seen how the guy has his hands on their waist, so he slides his hands down from Felix’s shoulders to his waist.

But he doesn’t feel anything.

Even he can admit that Felix is pretty. He could even imagine that in another lifetime he would have wanted to date the other boy. Everything is a possibility, that he might have liked girls, or boys, or anyone for that matter, in another lifetime. You’re supposed to feel something right, when you kiss someone you like or could have liked? At least, that’s what authors write in their books. There’s this spark of something between the two partners, you feel this electricity running through your veins, making you feel like some kind of superhero, but everything Chris is doing makes him feel forced. He doesn’t feel ‘good’ or like he could continue doing this forever, it just feels weird.

_Really_ weird.

You’d think that someone would tell you what kissing was going to be like before you jump in head first, but nobody ever does. He’s hyper aware of the people around them, the loud music blaring in his ears that sounds like it’s only just been churned out of a synthesiser and the neon lights that are pulsing behind his closed eyelids. It’s all too much at once and all that he wants to do is get out of this. He pulls away after a minute, looking into Felix's eyes and then the younger boy starts chuckling, giving Chan an exaggerated wink, like the ones he always does and moving back onto the dancefloor.

Because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?

He sees him go back onto the floor, hands clasping those of the birthday girl. He doesn’t seem phased. Changbin moves over to them, hand resting on the small of Felix’s back and Felix smiles at him. Chan grins, enjoying how nonchalant the action is. He guesses that it’s because he doesn’t know that it was Chan's first kiss, who would know, Chan’s nineteen years old, he should have had his first kiss already, but when he thinks about it, it doesn’t really matter to him anyway. Not in the way he thinks it should.

Not the way it does to most people.

**Author's Note:**

> i have many feelings about something that happened a few years ago and i had to get it out somehow. don't really know if this is any good, but i hope you like it and please go check out my other skz fic while i try to work out my writer's block on rwl
> 
> much love and i hope you enjoyed
> 
> ~ jiji


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